I did not write my weekly post last week because I was in a deep funk. Work had got me down, the lot in back of me was being developed (bye bye trees), and neither of my paintings had got into the Watercolor Society of Oregon Spring Exhibition. My feelings were hurt

Looking at the list of names as well as the images that have come across my Facebook feed, it looks like a really strong show. I carefully liked all my friends’ paintings (I really am excited for my friends) and reread Ruth Armitage‘s classic essay “Rejected Again, Hooray!” But, honestly, my feelings were hurt.

I think both entries are strong pieces. I like them. Both say something important to me as well as being a technique stretch. I told myself that it’s just one juror’s opinion on the day. 124 artists submitted over 200 paintings; only 80 artists/paintings were accepted. But this makes the third rejection in a row from WSO. My feelings were hurt.

I considered my next steps. Did I want to change direction? No. I’m not sure where I’m going right now, but like the bearing. My feelings were still hurt.

Did I want to disparage juror, Vera Dickerson, and generally rant about the unfairness of it all? Well, maybe a little, but it wasn’t the most attractive option to express the fact that my feelings were hurt.

Did I want to slink into a hole of never again trying anything? To shun “them” before they could shun me? No, and while my feelings were still hurt, I know when I’m close to going over the top. (Don’t laugh so hard.)

Most artists are the kids who loved art class. “What I nice drawing of a fish,” made our little hearts melt. “I like those colors,” just made us use up another crayon. As an adult, going into a workshop can be a challenge because everyone else was that kid as well. You quickly learn that the journey to the top of the class is steep. In a real sense, our little kid selves want nothing more than for the workshop instructor to say, “Everyone look at this nice turkey!”

Art exhibitions (or shows or exhibit or fair) tap into that angst. We put our best paintings forward, hoping that the juror might be someone who says, “Yeah, I get that.” But depending on a laundry list of factors, none of which has to do with the artist, it’s a toss up what might be included or get the dreaded Thank-You-For-Entering letter.

In a real sense, art shows are one of the few places that artists get meaningful validation. When I post something on Facebook, many people click like or comment that it’s pretty, but few really respond. On Season 3, Episode 1 of Grace & Frankie, main character Frankie has an art show. At the end, no paintings have sold, but one woman lingers in front of one of the paintings. Frankie asks why she stays, and the woman responds that it reminds her of something deeply emotional. The anonymous woman then admits she can’t afford the painting. Frankie says, “I think we can make a deal.” That really rings true for me, and I think other artists. We’d rather see a painting go to a good home than get a sale.

When you are rejected from a big, national show, it’s easy to shrug it off; the competition is intense. Not getting into more local shows can really sting. While you console yourself with thoughts about being in good company (your friends who were also rejected), those feelings are still hurt.

Over time, artists have to develop a thick skin. We try techniques that fail. We take paintings to critique groups and hear comments we’d rather not. We enter shows and don’t get in. But with each success, confidence grows. Ruth’s essay is representational of the confidence an artist needs to keep coming back to the blank paper, knowing nothing is guaranteed.

And my feelings are still hurt.

I mulled all this over as I sat down at my workspace again.

Confidence. Authenticity. Expression. Process, not product.  Just a silly show.

Another attempt at “Emerge”. I don’t think this is it, but some interesting things are happening.

Boiler Bay Rocks

All this introspection sounds wonderful, doesn’t it. But what really perked me up was learning on Wednesday that “State of the Nation” won 4th place in the 2023 Making Our Marks 9th Member Only Online Exhibition of the International Society of Experimental Artists (ISEA).

“State of the Nation”

My feelings aren’t so hurt now. Funny how that happens…

As I have mentioned, recently I got a new computer. While I am still futzing around with all the various things, one thing that I have done is set up my desktop background so that a different photo folder is scrolled through each day. I’ve been trying to use the experience as a prompt to delete out-of-focus or otherwise poor photos. But I’ve also been finding inspiration from some fairly old photos.

For example, this photo was taken in 2013 at Emerald Downs.

When the photo initially came up, I didn’t really notice it. But as I was fooling around with folders, and various things got obscured, I started to notice more details.

I love the line of the neck and curve of the off fore.

I printed out a copy, and sat down Saturday afternoon to create a few “what ifs”.

Start

It was a difficult week on the work front, so much so that I took Friday off as a sick day. I honestly didn’t feel well; I hadn’t slept well, I had a headache, and my tummy hurt. After calling in, I went back to bed and didn’t emerge until after ten in the morning. I moped around the rest of the day, eventually getting groceries, but basically just sitting on the couch and watching YouTube videos.

Saturday I was determined to be more energetic, and I had just the project to get me going–a new tree. My neighbor decided she didn’t want a young little fruit tree in her yard and I carried it home. I think it might be a crabapple. Fingers crossed. Unfortunately, installing it meant digging up (and seperating) a HUGE sword fern. The whole project took me around two hours, and not all the ferns are replanted.

All this is to say that by the time I sat down at my easel, I was physically tired on top of mental fatigue from the week. I decided to start out with something simple, a charcoal sketch.

Charcoal

Middle

As you can see, I have trouble getting everything in proportion and on the page. But I liked the above, so I wetted it down and rubbed it onto a page of watercolor paper. The transfer wasn’t very good, but that was fine. I was trying to work with the suggestion of a horse, not the details.

I did get the feet on this painting, but now my camera skills are at fault. Sigh.

End?

I really like the leg and shape of the head in the painting above. But I feel like I wasn’t daring enough as far as adding only the essential parts and leaving the rest to the imagination.

I added color and some marks to the painting, more to see what might work in a future version than actual hope of rescuing the painting.

The piece I have in mind is called “Emerge.” This is not it; I’ll redo the painting at least one more time, trying to get more abstract (like I did with “Transition”, below.)

“Transition” (2020) – 11″ x 15″ watercolor on paper

Tomorrow will be my usual routine of nosework and food prep. I’m trying to keep it simple, because it promises to be another eventful week at work.

Again.

It’s been almost six months (six months on Feb. 1) since I’ve moved permanently down to the beach house, and so far, no regrets. I’m loving it. But there were a few things that I knew I wanted to change, but wanted to see how it all worked out first.

A few weeks ago, I had a series of technology mishaps that crashed both my computer and tablet. I purchased a new computer and haven’t decided about the tablet. Along with the new computer, I decided to add a new workstation to the house.

Meet my new painting area. After assembling the desk and chair, I spent the day admiring the birds out the front window and painting. Bliss.

I may decide to move either my personal or work laptop here some days, but for right now, I’m sticking with this as an art station. It’s on wheels so I can change my mind about placement when I have guests or otherwise when I need to.

I can hear your next question: “What did you paint?” I’m so glad you asked.

“Flicker” – mostly just fooling around and using up some paper

“Ghosts” – also just fooling around

“Pasture Promise” – $50 – 12″ x 8″ liquid charcoal on paper

I’m giving myself an easy weekend. It was a tough week at work, even though (or maybe because of) it being a short week. Key and I went to a nosework trial Monday and Tuesday. No title or legs on the first day (NW3, of course), but I didn’t have a panic attack which is a massive improvement. Then on Tuesday we did a level 3 Vehicle and nailed it. Title and 3rd place overall. Lots to think about in all that.

I hope you are having a great weekend. The coast is glorious this time of year, and King Tides are happening. Come on down and say hi!

(v) to travel in a purposeful manner toward a vague destination.

As I mentioned last week, my tablet has gone belly up. Unfortunately, my main computer seems to be following in its footsteps. So, with these signs of a revolt, I decided to order a new computer. A laptop. I still haven’t decided about the long-term fate of a tablet, but I’m hoping a proper laptop might bridge the gap. I’ve decided on a new name for the computer as well: The Amok Response Ally (T.A.R.A.). A little narcissistic, but I think it’s funny.

With technology in a dangerous state, this week I have put out some watercolor cards and liquid charcoal to keep me occupied in the evenings.

In accordance with my new resolution to paint and post on Saturdays, I sat down and worked on a finishing a painting I started last week.

“Haul Out” – 15″ x 11″ liquid charcoal and watercolor crayon on 300lb arches – $100 unframed

I may have a few more tweaks, but I love the sandy texture. Just what I was going for. And those pops of ochre really enhance it for my money.

Then (or, more accurately, concurrently) I decided to start on a new painting. I flipped through some reference photos and decided to try this one. The head was cut off in the reference shot, and I can see here that the head is too small. It would be helpful to see that BEFORE I stopped adjusting the drawing, but there you go. I am pondering possible fixes.

“Pretty In Pink” – 16″ x 12″ liquid charcoal and watercolor on 140lb arches – $75

In a final bit of art-related news, Thursday I entered three shows.

• WSO: State of the Nation & Measuring Infinity

• NWWS (online/digital): Yellowstone Dancers, State of the Nation, Start

  

  “Yellowstone Dancers” (2021)

  

  “State of the Nation”

  

  “Start”

  
  
• Western Fed: Wander, OSIFS, Yellowstone Dancers

  

  “Wander”

  

  “OSIFS” (2021)

  

  “Yellowstone Dancers” (2021)

  
  

A few of these are SQUEAKING in before the cutoff (painted within two years), but if you’re gonna enter, gotta go for it! And I’d really like to see Yellowstone Dancers get into a show!

Tomorrow will be “home” stuff, and then Monday and Tuesday will be a nose work trial. I am very anxious after our last outing, but I’ve put together a SMART goal to work on.

• S – Specific: Between the time of the number flip and entry into the search, I will present my team as present, dress the dog, work the practice boxes, and listen to one mediation on my phone (1 minute).
• M – Measurable: I will know I have successfully done this because I will have done these things and because I will take at least three deep breaths before the search.
• A – Achievable: I am able to do this because, even though I need to manage the dog and everything else, I am in control of my breathing.
• R – Realistic: I have successfully done this before.
• T – Timely: This will happen six times during the trial, but the first try is the one I have the most trouble with. Even if I mess up the first, the other runs can be practice.

Key has agreed to be my partner and is totally supportive of breathing as long as there are cookies for him.

“Did someone say cheese?”

He’s such a support.

The other day I was driving somewhere, and my mind was drifting (as my mind is prone to do). I got to thinking about the state of my artistic practice. My focus wasn’t on painting more or techniques, it was about marketing. I’ve always just branded my art stuff with my name. It’s a good name. I like it. I’ve flirted with adding studio, but usually Tara Choate is good enough. The downside of this is creating marketing materials. Items such as a logo or graphic are built into many sites and emails; not having a set graphic means I don’t have anything to put in those spots.

So, as I was going down the road, I got to thinking about the marketing I am planning this year. Toward the end of 2022, I learned I was accepted into the 2023 Art on the Edge Studio Tour, happening June 16-18. This is a big deal, and I want to make the most of it. This first year, my goals would be less about selling paintings than making contacts. Thus, my focus on marketing and newsletters and other forms of communication.

Back to the road. I was pondering all of this and thinking about creating a real logo and the thought drifted in that a studio name might be fun. In case I ever did something like teach classes (unlikely) or lead painting trips (also unlikely) or… well, something. What would a studio name be?

One of my favorite words, for no good reason, is the word “amok”. At work, when I am explaining I’m going on vacation, I usually say I’m going to run amok. I like the way it sounds. I like the hard K at the end. I like that it covers a lot of ground, getting into trouble-wise.

Looking up the word amok in the dictionary, it has two meanings.

1. Out of control, especially when armed and dangerous (adverb)
2. Being mentally unstable (adjective)

Below this is an example of its usage in a sentence.

“Do staff members try to make up for the lack of rampaging aliens by occasionally running amok themselves?” This example is from Soused at the Southpole by Giles Humbert III.

Is this not the perfect word for me?

So, I sat down and sketched out a logo. A few versions later, I’m proud to introduce my new logo, compete with a matching URL www.amokattheeasel.com.

To complete the transformation, I plan on putting out a newsletter with the new logo this weekend. The newsletter will also point out that I have modified my website to feature the logo and that now you can find the site by either typing “tarachoate” or “amokattheeasel.”

 Actual Painting

Well, with all this emphasis on marketing, I’d better have something to market, right? It shouldn’t be a huge problem; my house is literally bursting with three years of painting and no events. But it’s always fun to have something new to show, and there are a few shows that I’d like to enter with deadlines coming up.

I’m still exploring liquid charcoal, but a touch of color is irresistible.

As I was telling a friend, the paper quality on this painting is terrible. The paint doesn’t want to stick to the paper, so you end up just dabbing paint around. While the background isn’t bad, the central figure’s stance is awkward.

Here I am playing with a reference photo I took this last summer. The vultures were lined up along the fence, but as I was working through them in my sketchbook, I decided they were more fun like this. Tentative titles: Garden Party, Ladies Who Lunch, or State of the Nation.

I like the way the background and medium suggest the muddiness of the reference photo. I think the blue gives it a watery quality, but I’m not sure it pops enough.

I have a few more paintings on the go, but I’m trying to only show off finished pieces this year. Not sure that’s going to work out!