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How to create a meltdown – 2nd edition

Almost a year ago, I wrote this blog post.

Today, having a similar day and mentally writing about it all day, I looked it up. I was surprised it was so close to exactly a year ago. Maybe this is just an annual event?

Apparently annual update on how to create a meltdown

1. Be on the first day of your period so you are extra tired and achy. (An afterthought last year.)

2. Have an all day meeting. (#6 last year)

3. Have the meeting in a place with the cooling system as loud as possible. (#7 last year)

4. Make sure all the speakers are soft spoken so you can hear NOTHING. (#8 last year)

5. Create an agenda where nothing will be done and everything will be discussed. If possible, have lots of agenda items about “process” and “collaboration” and “team-building.” (#9 last year)

6. Ensure the cooling system is not very effective and that one end of the room has skylights to further “enhance” the discomfort. (New.)

7. Have the chairs at this meeting be created by a minion of Satan. Or the inventor of high heels. Up to you, really. (New.)

8. Be in assigned seating at a table with the following: 1) Person you least like in the office, 2) Person who habitually mumbles, and 3) Person who never makes any sense. This can be one person, but I find it most effective when they are three of the group. (New.)

9. Don’t have an acceptable knitting project going so you can’t zen out during some of the talking. (New.)

10. Get hollered at for asking a (work related and pertinent) question. (New.)

11. When your teammates are simultaneously talking about… hats. And watches. (New.)

12. Pout and know you should hide it. Give yourself a stern talking to about emotional intelligence. (New.)

13. After a day spent with your co-workers, get invited out for a drink with same group of co-workers. Go and realize you are dorky, stupid, and inept (or just tired, hot, and shy.) Leave as soon as possible so your co-workers don’t figure out you are dorky, stupid, and inept (or just tired, hot, and shy.) Then go home and cry because you are dorky, stupid, and inept (or just tired, hot, and shy.) (New.)

14. Also helpful to be one day away from payday. (Last year #5)

When I get my 2017 calendar, I’m gonna mark June 29 and 30 in big red letters and call in sick.