Jun 30

How to create a meltdown

1. Oversleep

2. On a Monday

3. Because you overslept, you have to use the emergency transport plan.

4. Be sure not to have much gas in the car.

5. Also helpful to be one day away from payday and have your checking account be low so putting any significant amount of gas in the car is not possible.

6. At work, have an all day meeting.

7. Have the meeting a place with the cooling system as loud as possible.

8. Make sure all the speakers are soft spoken so you can hear NOTHING.

9. Create an agenda where nothing will be done and everything will be discussed. If possible, have lots of agenda items about “process” and “collaboration” and “team-building.”

10. Serve a lunch that doesn’t violate anyone’s dietary needs, but that no one in their right mind would willingly eat.

11. Tell someone they are going to be part of a presentation and make them really nervous about it. Then don’t have them be part of the presentation.

12. Being sure to do #11, have a phone call that you’ve been waiting for come in 2 minutes before the presentation is about to start (or even closer if you can manage it.)

13. Whatever the subject of the phone call, make sure it’s important enough that it can’t be skipped; when you answer the phone, find out what you need is now delayed by two weeks.

14. When you get  home (to a hot house), have to go to a Weight Watchers meeting where you fully expect to pay for a bad week.

15. Weigh in.

16. Talk to a customer service person who can’t solve your problem and recommended calling an 800 number.

17. Have the 800 number only be available from 9-5.

18. If possible, have the subject of #17 be sensitive, so you don’t want your co-workers to overhear.

 

If this hasn’t created a meltdown, here are a few more sure-fire add-ons.

  • Have it be a few days away from a holiday so gas prices are at the MAX!
  • To ensure maximum hunger, find out what a least favorite food is and serve lots of it so there is no possibility of being full.
  • A good subject of the important phone call would be a broken air conditioner during a heat wave.
  • Add PMS

1 comment

    • Ruth on June 30, 2015 at 4:28 pm

    Your recipe sounds like a sure-fire success. Love your sense of humor and hope it is all better now!

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