Vaguely frustrated

It’s Sunday night. After a three-day weekend spend attempting to reassemble my life from the chaos of the last couple of week, I have a clean house, a tired dog, and a vaguely frustrated state of mind.

A few days ago, I was doing something and I realized that I felt good. There was no looming depression or anxiety clouds on my horizon; my new medications and the last adjustment seems to have been the ticket. I’m enjoying the sunshine, and whether it’s the iron tablets or extra vitamin D, I’m feeling less achy. While my weight loss has been stalled the last couple of weeks because of well–everything– my knee is feeling better and my clothes are just on the borderline of too big.

So, why am I feeling dissatisfied?

The answer is that I’m terrible at balance. I feel bad for a while, so I drop activities. Then I get feeling better, so I start to pick them up again. Then I have too much to do, I get overwhelmed, and things go downhill. If all this coincides with a medication issue, I can be in real trouble. But right now, I’m just a little out of sorts.

5-4-9 – Doctors and Cleaning

For years, my mom worked a 5-4-9 schedule; she would work 9 hour days every Mon-Thurs, one Friday she would work 8 hours and other she would get off. My workplace has a different name for it, but in January I switched to this schedule.

You would think that with an “extra” day off, I would do something interesting. No. Almost every one has been spent on doctors appointments or on some other errand or chore. Admittedly, this means that I don’t have to spend my sick leave time and my real weekends (in theory) should have less drudgery. But it’s not nearly as relaxing as it sounds.

This Friday I had a chiropractor appointment (I really needed it after all that driving) and an allergy shot, in additional to some other tasks. But the end of the day I was wiped out.

A non-speaking entity to find something you cannot see

Saturday I went up to Portland to attend a nose work seminar. Key and I have been enjoying this new game and have even attended some trials. However, his skill set far outpaces mine.

I attend the seminar in hopes of filling in some of my skill gaps. I did learn some things, but mainly, the instructor emphasized the need for PRACTICE. Sure. In all my spare time.

Waiting and Wishing and Painting

Today was spent around the house waiting for a delivery, cleaning (more… always…), and painting (but not much).

Right now, painting is another thing that doesn’t feel easy. I’m working on my value / two color homework, and that’s good, but I have to confess that it doesn’t make me run into the studio. In hopes of getting my artistic juices flowing, I watched a Jean Haines video Friday night, but I have to admit it didn’t turn on any brilliance or even a little excitement.

Fortunately, I had some time to wait for a delivery, and there comes a point when you have to admit you aren’t willing to be the kind of procrastinator who turns on the TV. So, I did do some work, cleaning my studio and playing with some ongoing projects.

I can feel summer and the pressure of various shows pressing down on me, but I feel like I need to stay my course.

Of course, it would be easier to do that if I didn’t keep putting obstacles in my path.

Please, don’t let me volunteer for anything else!

2 comments

    • Amanda James on April 23, 2018 at 3:06 pm

    I am humbled by the thoughts you share. Thank you. I am intrigued by your green painting. I love the colors. Green is difficult to work with but rewarding and certainly belongs in the Northwest. Thank you again.

      • Tara on April 23, 2018 at 4:21 pm
        Author

      Thanks, Amanda!

Comments have been disabled.