And so, she didn’t

Last evening, I finally accepted what had been obvious for ages. My tablet had died. The cause of death was that the power plug-in area somehow was not doing its thing, and so no cord would charge it up anymore. It took me more than a week to come to this conclusion and accept it. And accept it, I have. But I don’t like it.

I spent couple hours today at Boiler Bay State Wayside helping with whale watching week. The whales were probably there, but so far out in a rough ocean that we couldn’t spot them.

It occurred to me as I was searching for replacement options (Would a new cord work? Or is a whole new tablet necessary?) that this little tale is a pretty good microcosm of the year 2022. We finally accepted things weren’t working, pouted about it, and began searching for a replacement. Or maybe that’s just my take on things.

I’m sure I’m not the only one who has commented that the combined, emotional arch of the last three years bears a strong resemblance to the grief cycle.

  • Denial: March 2020 – What? Everything is cancelled? For two whole weeks? What?
  • Anger: Summer 2020 – Masks? Mask mandates? People not wearing masks? People taking horse wormer? The world is ending!
  • Bargaining: January 2021 – When we get this vaccine it will all be better.
  • Depression: Summer 2021 – It’s not better.
  • Acceptance: Summer 2022 – Whatever. I give up.

Obviously, it’s possible that this cycle was just me, but I’ve talked to a lot of folks who agree it’s been a tough few years. These same people talk about focusing on resting, reviving their mental state, and accepting the new… well, whatever we are now.

Lots of really great wave action.

For me, this year was marked by a series of solid walls that didn’t just ask me to stop, they gave me no choice. Health challenges. Changes at work. A major, clinical mental health issue in the spring. A decision to move. A significant personal betrayal that left me reeling. The death of a good friend.

Since moving to the coast, I’ve spent a lot of time resting. I have said “No, I don’t want to.” And then not done it. I’ve taken this time to NOT achieve my goals. Not finalize things. Not make everything perfect. It was a good decision that gave me the space to think about where I want to go. Of course, that doesn’t mean I actually have a direction. But I know places I don’t want to revisit.

After this post, I will post my goal results for 2022. It wasn’t a bad year; I hit a lot of my goals. But there were a few areas that could stand improvement. I’m okay with that. Tomorrow, I will post 2023 goals. I’m not promising big changes, but I am feeling more focused and confident than I have for a while. Something new is already on the horizon.

I decided to edit these photos with a filter, just for a little artistic flair.

Happy New Year, my friends. I’d love to know how you see the arc of your year.

Time doesn’t return

“Here’s a wake-up call to anyone who feels the call to make art: Don’t WAIT! Start small, start with a sketchbook, collage or something you can make at your kitchen table. For professionals and amateurs alike, life has a way of making you feel like you don’t have time, your setup isn’t worthy, you don’t have the right materials, etc.” ~ quote attribution lost, though I think it might be Ruth Armitage

I’m still on my coffee table for art, but I am back to making art.

I got a minor cold this week. I felt achy and crankier than average on Wednesday. By the time I clocked off for the day, I was SO cold. I’m never cold. So, I took my temperature and wasn’t shocked to see it at 99.7. I just hoped it wasn’t going to be COVID. I didn’t particularly have any “symptoms”, other than feeling bad and the fever, but I sat on the couch and pouted under three blankets. The next day I suppose I COULD have worked, but my nose was running and felt bad. If I was going into the office, I wouldn’t have wanted me around. So, I figured working from home was the same and so called in sick and spent the day watching movies and keeping hydrated. Friday I was still sniffling and coughing a little, but I did work, with the caveat that I could leave anytime. I blasted through my “basic” work, putting aside anything that wasn’t ordinary, and made a good dent in my inbox. Between the cold and a weather system that came in, neither the dog or I got our normal walkies in and so I wasn’t sleeping well. But yesterday, everything cleared up a little and I got enough exercise to sleep. And today, well, except for the occasional sniffle, I’m feeling pretty good. This little story is to demonstrate of the scope (very small) of my artistic endeavors this week.

A few months ago, to prepare for my first teaching endeavor, I got some liquid charcoal from Schmike. There is a second brand on the market called Nitram, which I have been told granulates more. I ordered some recently and wanted to give it a try. So, I got out some paper scraps and gave it a go. In the end, I added watercolor crayon over the top of the charcoal on most of these small paintings. I did one “large” painting with blank paper and just the charcoal.

I have to be honest; I don’t like the Nitram as well as the Schmicke. It’s much waterier. Without the grit, the interest of putting down the paint isn’t there. Still, I enjoyed playing with design. I may add watercolor crayon on top of this one as well.

I’m going to keep this post brief. I’m still feeling like the coach with blankets is a nice place to be.

Spuddle, Double and Chuckle! Oh, never Subtle.

Spuddle: A useful verb from the 17th century that means to work feebly and ineffectively, because your mind is elsewhere, or you haven’t quite woken up yet. To be extremely busy whilst achieving absolutely nothing.

Lately, I’ve been massively attracted to the idea of finishing and/or using up. I’ve been working on finishing a book that’s been open for three months, a scarf that was started before Covid, and the remaining gel pens that my mom purchased at some point in time. The latter are absolutely useless; they hardly contain any ink. But I’ve been doodling away for a few minutes each night, using up 6-10, and generally making progress toward finishing the batch of pens, but not much else.

However, I think I’ve nailed down my next painting. Just as soon as the rest of these pens run out…

The letter I haven’t sent

A couple of weeks ago, Key and I moved up in the run order and thus got into a nosework trial. I was excited and pleased. The drive was about 2.5 hours (not bad) and Key has been really strong in practice lately. My goals were to watch my dog, look for an alert, and keep my mouth closed otherwise.

The day turned out to be a disaster. I had some sort of anxiety attack, and we ended up leaving the trial after 3.5 (of 6) runs. On the long ride home, I thought about what had just happened. I had the best dog in the world and I had let him down.

But… well, I felt there was more to it than that. In my opinion, the trial pathways had been laid out exceedingly poorly. There were certainly dogs who would have been okay, but I have to watch him very carefully and keep an appropriate distance from other dogs. And there were certainly people who would have been okay, but having so much going on in a small area had affected me. I got home and called a friend, who was a good listener (hello, L).

That evening I woke up around 2am and all I could think about was writing a letter explaining that what had happened at the trial was not acceptable. When I got up the next morning, I did the minimal amount of morning things, then sat down to write a letter.

I haven’t sent this letter. I’m not sure I will. “L” says it’s not clear what I want. I’m not sure what I want. But I want some to know that the situation was not okay and fix it for next time.

To whom it may concern:

My name is Tara Choate and I have a dog, Key. We enjoy doing nose work. Key is a dog who has come a long way; I am his fourth owner. He has problems with reactivity , both to dogs and humans, as well as a general terrier-like attitude about the world. He also has separation anxiety, so we walk a fine line.

I am a human who also has come a ways, but I have a long way to go. I have social anxiety and struggle with my mental health. Things with a lot of people tend to be challenging for me. If I were younger, I might have been diagnosed “on the spectrum”, but that’s just speculation.

I want to emphasize that the point of this letter is not to complain or blame anyone; I am simply hoping that some elements of trials can be improved.

On ***, 2022, Key and I went to the ***, Oregon trial. It is a lovely site. The weather was cold but beautiful. In case you are not familiar with the trial site, I am placing some screen shots taken from Google below.

Everything should have been right in my world, but I had a bad mental health day.

My first trigger happened before the trial started. After arriving, parking, and using the bathroom, I wanted to take my dog out to exercise. As you can see by the photos above, the sidewalk area is very narrow. All dogs had to go down the sidewalk to get to the potty area at the end and there were a lot of dogs out and about. Just before we got to the potty area, there was a group of people who were exercising their dogs in a way that made it very difficult to get past them and to the official area. One we got to the potty area, I settled down again. We were able to navigate in back of the cars (though close to the road) returning to the car.

My second trigger was the briefing.* Trying to get in past all the people who chose to stand in the doorway, not allowing anyone else to enter, triggered my anxiety. I spent most of the briefing doing breathing exercises and trying to settle myself down. The corridor was very small and quarters tight. COVID concerns aside, there were the usual problems with people complaining about not being able to hear.

My third trigger was the first run of our day. We were #17. One group started at #1 and another group started at #12. The second group had some problems getting started and it became apparent to me that our number might be called sooner rather than later. Sure enough, 12 went, then they called 13-16. #16 was a golden retriever who promptly went past the number flippers. The volunteers called for #17, so we went up. Then dogs #13-15 came and were put back into the run order in front of us. At this point, there were two to three dogs from group 1 and four dogs from group 2, in addition to Key and I. Additionally, volunteers and the people using the bathroom were moving through the area. On the edge of all this, dogs and handlers wanting to move by to use the potty area. Quarters were too tight!**

The same basic thing happened when our number was called for the second run of the day. Numbers 13-15 were late, then inserted into the run order. This time I wised up and just left to go back to my car rather than struggle with the staging area. While Key and I were there, #18 expressed frustration with me because my number was on the flipper. What #18 couldn’t see was that number 13 was “in the box” with 14-16 waiting to go.

During the lunch break, at which time we had run three of the six tests, I left the grounds to go to a nearby park. Key and I walked around, and I gave myself a lecture about relaxing and having fun. I also tried to come up with a way to deal with the staging area, which seemed likely to stay busy, but I can’t claim success.

The final straw came just before our fourth run. There was not the scrum of dogs, so that part had been sorted out. But there was some kind of incident that had #16 waiting at least 10 minutes.*** The staging area was busy, but not overcrowded, but this time there was a Belgian Malinois who was barking.**** I am assuming the dog was about to run, because they didn’t leave the general area. The area did not feel safe to me. Once we got inside and into the “next” position, I was sitting in the chair, fooling around with Key and working on our tricks. Key is very cute, and I was working on shake. A volunteer came by and said, “He’s so cute” and rubbed him on the head without asking. Key gave her a look that in prior situations has meant he is preparing to snap or bark.

When we were called into the search, for the first time that I can remember, Key didn’t want to search. I am 100% sure that he was reacting to me. He wouldn’t “move off” and instead just kept his eyes on me. He has NEVER not searched before. In the third run of the day, we did a blank exterior search and he got first place and was BEAUTIFUL.*****

I called finish in our fourth search when he found something (not before getting our second “no” of the day) even though we hadn’t searched the entire room just so we could end on a high note. I took him back to the car and told the volunteers to cross us off for the rest of the day, then went home.

At home, I thought about the day. The dog was fine, it was me who was a mess. And, yes, I need to work on that. But…

One of the things I have always liked about NACSW was the emphasis you put on keeping the dogs away from each other. The emphasis on giving the dogs the space to do their job, not have to interact with humans and dogs. I understand the searches are designed to mimic real-life situations. Obviously, a police dog can’t get reactive in tight quarters with a bunch of people around. But the basic situation and traffic flow of this trial really seemed off.

I know there are many, many things I don’t know about what is going on behind the scenes. Concerns about sightlines and volunteers and property and stuff. However, I think this would have been a better way to set up the trial site.

The biggest problem would have been people seeing the flipper numbers, but that was an issue in the original flow anyway.

I know that everyone complains about everything. And I feel bad about complaining about such a lovely site with such nice people. But I needed to express that it doesn’t feel right to ask my dog to work for me, when I can’t be there for him. I let the team down because the environment was too much.

I want to advocate for event planners to think about people like me who find the environment too stimulating and for dogs like Key who have come a long way, but still have to trust their handler to ensure their ultimate safety.

Thank you.

 

*I am not sure why NASCW is still doing the morning briefing. It seems like topics could be covered in a video briefing. I LOVE the virtual walkthroughs.

** Aren’t we told to keep our dogs in the car unless they are exercising or about to run? Why were there so many dogs around?

*** I would actually guess 20, but I’m trying not to exaggerate.

**** It seemed like at Key, but it could have just been in excitement,

***** He deserves a much better handler than me, but I think he’s stuck with the one he’s got.

Fallow

Fallow: (of farmland) plowed and harrowed but left unsown for a period in order to restore its fertility as part of a crop rotation or to avoid surplus production.

It’s been a couple of weeks since I wrote. That has been a deliberate choice. I’m concentrating on… well, I’m not sure. To say I’m concentrating on myself is not inaccurate, but it’s really more like I’m trying to get back in touch with something.

I haven’t made art. I haven’t done NaNoWriMo. I’ve just going to work and coming home. Working on getting in my daily step count, sleep, and doing food prep. I’ve read a little. Watched some TV. But even that is subdued.

Lately when I’ve been doodling (boring meetings still happen), I have been drawn to just make long, slow lines. Over and over. To me, they look like fields. Plowed but unplanted. Fallow fields.

That’s where I am. Fallow.

I’ve toyed with the idea of crop rotation as a metaphor, but it just doesn’t have the same appeal. In fact, it feels like what I always do; just move from one thing to another and hope the nutrients come back.

So, for right now, I’m resting. Fallow. Idle.

Pluviophile

Noun: Someone who loves the rain, who finds joy and peace of mind in rainy days.

I have a list of potential blog titles, and when I came across this one today, I knew it was just right. We got our first real rain in SO LONG yesterday. I swear I felt my soul take a deep breath. I took the dog out three times for rain walks, just because I needed to celebrate this little miracle.

I can’t remember when the rain stopped. No one makes a note of the last time it rained. Similarly, it can be hard to pick out where any one thing starts or ends. As Lisa Lutz says, you don’t know there’s a story until the middle. Not being an especially intuitive person, I often find the story at the end and have to piece together how it came to pass. Lately, I’ve been feeling like there is a narrative I can’t explain happening. Did it start with COVID? With working from home? With loosing key friends to moves? With the leadership changes at work? With the [no name, no details] drama that’s been playing out on personal time starting last October? Losing my long-time therapist and not finding a replacement? With the medication change this spring? The move? Or should I look back even further to Mom’s death?

Friday night I was very low. A friend (hello L) called and we chatted for a while. Eventually I admitted things were feeling pretty hard, and she asked if it was a medication issue. I’ve been pondering that as well, but I don’t think so. Usually when I’m in “dangerous” mental territory a couple things happen.

First, I am not able to let things go. Think of a non-humorous version of George Constanza‘s obsession about what he should have said. Except that it’s Everything and Anything. All the time. Running endlessly.

Second, I get irritable. This can be subtle, because, unfortunately, I am easily irritated. But when a combination of inability to let things go combines with rage about EVERYTHING, a little warning bell starts to go off.

Third, I get suicidal ideation. As I have mentioned before, this is not the same as becoming suicidal. For me, it’s when something goes wrong and instead of brushing it off, I think, “Oh, I should just die and get it over with.” Obviously, this is a complete overreaction to the situation, but it’s an overreaction that is a red flag warning about my mental state.

Currently, I am only having issues with irritability. But as I write this, I have reverted to a “normal” state after the Friday night blues. So, what’s going on? Let’s go back to my list from above.

  1. COVID?
  2. Working from home?
  3. Losing key friends?
  4. Leadership changes at work?
  5. [no name, no details] drama?
  6. Therapist
  7. Medication change?
  8. The move?
  9. Mom’s death?

1. COVID

Regardless of what Mr. Biden says, COVID is not over. This last week I may have been exposed at work to the virus, though I have my fingers crossed that I wasn’t actually in the office at the same time as the person I think became ill. I am vaccinated and plan to get a booster shot soon. It does appear that the virus has been downgraded to a bad cold, but with my health, that can cause issues for months. Still, I no longer feel the same tension about decisions to go out into the word. Score = +1

2. Working from home

I love working from home. I go in weekly and that’s more than enough for me. Score = -1

3. Losing friends

This is an issue. COVID has not helped me to increase my social circle, and I’ve moved twice in the last three years. I need to find time to get out into the world and find some friends again. “G”, the one who moved away, was always game for a bird watching hike and “M” enjoyed a good gallery opening. Sadly, both are no longer readily available. I need to invest some energy here. Score = +1

4. Work

More about this later. Score = +10 and rising

5. NNND Drama

As of October 1, the NNND Drama is over. From here I need to work on boundaries. My first step on that is NO volunteering for ANYTHING for at least a year. L… I’m depending on you for enforcement here. Score = +4 and falling

6. Therapist

My therapist of 24 years retired last fall (October 2021) and I have yet to find an adequate replacement. During the medication change this spring, I made do with help from the Kaiser system, but their therapy feels like therapy-by-numbers approach. Forms to assess your mood. The therapist visibly checking her computer to ensure she has asked all the required question. No humor. Since then, I’ve tried to find a therapist, but most are not accepting new patients (A pandemic is stressful! Who knew?) The one therapist I did manage to make an appointment with was late for the appointment and talked a lot about herself. That’s fine for a friend, but less desirable in a therapist. I need to add finding a therapist to my list, along with finding a new doctor for when I officially change providers in January. Sigh. Service shopping. I hate it. Score = +2

7. Medication change

While I don’t think that this combination of medications will ever be as “good” as the original Paxil, I feel like things are sustainable. I’m a little more antsy on this combination, but I’ve entered the “well in myself” phase. Score = +1

8. Move

I love the beach house and living here. Score = -2

9. Mom’s death

I miss Mom daily, but I feel as though I am well out of the daily grieving process. Score = 0

Work is Stressful! Who’d a thunk it?

Clearly, work tops my list. To recap work status:

In late August 2021, the Executive Director of my agency announced she was moving on to a new position. A variety of changes have followed, and the management team today looks very different from the one a year ago. The new ED told us she was contemplating an agency reorganization, which is never fun. Then, in the “short session” of spring 2022, the Oregon legislature gave my agency a bunch of money to fund grants for fires and droughts. These are completely new programs and adding the staff and programs has been a real challenge. Everyone’s nerves are frayed, and morale is low.

I work in the “business” section of the office. Basically, it means my group does the un-sexy stuff: filing, accounting, making appointments, etc. We are the workhorses; we just plod along, hoping for a carrot or two, but not expecting much. During the course of the last year, my division has received all but NO attention. More and more things have been added, but the plan hasn’t really changed. “Just do your job,” could be our motto.

Into this environment, a new manager has appeared. She is a warm and lovely person (not just saying that) who is driving me nuts. There are two main issues for me. First, she is a Thinker and I am a Doer. Her motto is, “Let’s think about this…”; mine is, “What do you want me to DO?” While I appreciate her thoughtfulness, I want to get the task accomplished, not find the best way on the planet to do it. The second issue is harder to identify because I can’t find a name for it. The closest I can find is the difference discussed in this article. She likes to discuss the process and check in on people’s feelings; I just want to get done with the task and all this talking is slowing me down. But this still doesn’t nail the point. I rely on processes to define what I should be doing and if I’ve done it right when there is a problem; in the year she’s been there, I don’t feel like she’s learned any of the processes. Not only that, if she does encounter them, she wants to change them or “Let’s think about this….” I’m not a change-resistant person. If a process needs to change, okay, just tell me what the new process is. It’s the ambiguity that is wearing me out.

Worn out is just what I am. And with a deficient of energy to keep things in check, irritation comes to fore as a primary emotion. I demonstrably have no patience with people. So, how do I fix that?

I’ve spent the weekend thinking about this. I rested. I went to the library to get some ideas. I watched, “It Happened One Night” (hadn’t seen it before, awesome movie.) And now I’ve written this blog. What’s the answer, Choate?

I don’t know.

I’m pretty sure there isn’t a quick fix. Most of the research indicates I need to work on dealing with stress by adding scheduled self-care (meditation, yoga, walks, etc.) into my day. I need to work on my emotional intelligence skills, which are always in need of polishing. And I think I need to assess my penchant for drama.

In other words, breathe.

Sigh. Why is it never quick and easy?

Additional note: As I was reviewing my post from a year ago, where I explicitly talked about work, I realized I am in a much better physical place. I wanted to say thank you to the universe for that before moving on.

Layers

Some of you may notice that I didn’t post last week. That was a deliberate decision on my part. I had made it through a week of work and then taught my breakout at the WSO convention. Sunday was designated for chores in the hopes that a four-day workshop with Linda Kemp (Negative Painting Addicted) would be as easy as possible. Hopefully, you’ll forgive me for not posting when you see the length of this post.

Exploring Value Studies with Liquid Charcoal

I volunteered to teach a breakout session at the WSO Fall Convention. It was my first attempt at teaching, and I am thrilled to report that it went okay. No one threw things. No boo-ing. In fact, most people looked like they were having fun. I had scheduled the pace to be brisk, so the class wasn’t doing any one thing for a long time. I usually had five minutes between exercises to go around to each person and answer questions or just provide encouragement. I had been worried that I wouldn’t be able to provide honest and encouraging feedback, but that wasn’t a problem. Each person had something in each of the exercises worth an honest, “Oh, I like that.” Some people had individual projects that turned out better than others, but the goal of the class was never to create masterpieces. I wish I had thought to grab some photos of peoples’ work, but I was too nervous to ask.

Linda Kemp: Negative Painting Addicted – preview

Saturday, after teaching my class, I had signed up to have Linda critique my image “Yellowstone Dancers” as part of the juror’s lecture.

“Yellowstone Dancers” (2021)

Because I had entered this image in other shows, and hadn’t heard back from them yet, I had NOT submitted this as one of my images for this show. Naturally, Linda loved it. She literally said there wasn’t anything she would change (though she did tell me not to be afraid to go darker.) Isn’t that always the way? The one thing you don’t enter…

While proud that she like the painting, I felt a little frustrated. I love this painting, but I’ve been hesitant to do more because it has received NO love from jurors. Obviously, that shouldn’t slow me down, but it does make hesitate. When I told Linda that, she said, “They just missed it.” I’ve often commented in the past about juror’s prejudice about animal paintings, and her remark reminded me that it’s a definite issue.

Linda Kemp: Negative Painting Addicted – Day 1

I arrived for Day 1 (October 10, 2022) very excited about the workshop. I had heard good things about Linda’s past workshops, and the fact this workshop sold out well before the deadline indicated her reputation was solid. For me, her style of painting was less important than the fact that she paints a lot of animals. It’s hard to find workshops that explicitly discuss animals, unless the focus is pet portraits. I hoped there would be teaching about design and meaning.

Linda is an instructor who liked to keep her students busy, which I wholeheartedly approve of. She started us right off on the fundamental basics of negative painting.

Water lily exercise

The basic idea of negative painting is that you start off with base, then add layers of shapes. “Where does the color go? Around the shape,” Linda repeated several times a day. After the initial lesson, Linda encouraged us to use our own reference photos and work through some basic exercises.

Cranes – negative painting exercise

After lunch, Linda had the class do a series of brush exercises. While these felt basic, I think the results show that I could use the practice. Knowledge of these strokes would become important later.

From there, Linda eased the group into aligning these strokes into leaves. “Where does the color go?” As she pointed out, leaves can be as simple or complex as we make them, the key is to assemble them.

 

With the remaining time, the class worked on projects created throughout the rest of the day. I found myself working on these two paintings, concentrating on brushstrokes.

Linda Kemp: Negative Painting Addicted – Day 2

Here’s the bad thing about writing about a workshop after an event. Things get fuzzy. I believe I started out the day working on these. The essential idea being to start work on a toned surface and place the desired negative shape on an appealing part of the toned surface.

 

I am sure that somewhere in there, Linda gave a lecture on color theory. I know the horses above were impacted by this lecture; I just can’t figure out which came first.

Her point was that, as painters, we spend a lot of time worrying about value, but it is possible to do paintings based on hue or intensity. She also talked about using colors at their brightest and how simply adding water adds a slight gray cast to them.

In the afternoon we worked on a technique Linda called “wet into wet.” I added the quotation marks because it is slightly different than what is usually meant by working wet into wet. For Linda’s version, the idea is to have a base layer that is still wet (paper wetness is a very important element in this, which I did not master) when you put on the second coat, using very strong pigments with a minimum (preferably none) of water. As you can see below, I had too much water on my brush… and paper… and paint. The third piece was better, but only because I put the third layer on when it was dry.

From here we were encouraged to use this technique to work on our own reference material. I chose a beehive I had photographed once.

I probably should have stuck to something I knew, such as horses or birds. The idea was that the honeycomb under the bees would be the darkest. Unfortunately, I struggled with wetness and we moved on before I could completely solve the problem. Linda came by and said this to a (very discouraged) me: “You are doing complicated shapes. But I’m not discouraged. You have the idea.”

The final exercise of the day was about paint movement. Linda showed us a method of letting the paint “to its thing” in a controlled manner.

The concept idea is to collect three, freshy, blobs of paint color on a round brush. It’s important to have at least one “base” color and one “takeover” color. A base color is a color that has a strong granulation factor: Ultramarine Blue, Burnt Sienna, Yellow Ochre. Linda called them the soil colors. The takeover colors are almost everything else, but in particularly the quinacridones, phthalos, and other paints that have a lot of syllables. The base colors slow down the speedy takeover colors, creating a pleasing mixing factor as they blend while following the water. Using the comma stroke learned on day one, the globs of paint are deposited on a wet piece of paper. Then the artist can allow gravity to do its thing or direct the flow in a desired direction. At a dryer point, use a slightly damp brush to pull up marks that may indicate foliage or other desired attributes.

This was my most frustrating day. Water “rightness” was intrinsic to most of the techniques, and due to a combination of equipment, habit, and lack of practice, I was not successful. Luckily, a good night of sleep left me in a better place on Wednesday morning.

Linda Kemp: Negative Painting Addicted – Day 3

Linda started the day with exercises intended to start pulling together the lessons we had learned over the last couple days, specifically focusing on layering and suggestion. I elected to work in my notebook as opposed to a good piece of paper, so the paint quality on these is not fabulous. The first three are from Linda’s examples, the last five from my reference photos.

From here, I was inspired to work on this piece, which is among my favorites for the workshop. (Note: The reference photo for the birds had them with tucked heads, which doesn’t work as a painting.)

Avocets

After the initial shape, Linda provided a demo that mixed the negative painting, foliage, and paint movement. Unfortunately, I only have a photo of the first two. After the initial dry, Linda added more “movement” dots and worked the paint into a sort of curve which she pulled some branches from.

The really embarrassing part of telling this is that I’m still not sure how she got from the first photo to the second. I can SEE that she added layers, but I don’t logically understand how she got from the reference photo to here. And turned it into something appealing, because initially, I had my doubts.

After lunch we moved into a new lesson, which I will call paint pushing. Using a Cheap Joe’s Skipper Brush (or similar) the paper is wetted and then color applied in downward strokes. Working up the page, when one layer is finished, the artist does a shift and “pushes” the new paint color into the old paint. The result a pleasing mix of texture and color.

Cheap Joe’s Skipper Brush

Once the page is finished, and that’s pretty quickly, we were encouraged to go back and lift out shapes.

This was the most straightforward lesson, but also the one that I need to think about how to use.

Linda Kemp: Negative Painting Addicted – Day 4

The final day of a workshop always has a slightly odd feel to it. Lingering matters are addressed, such as a group photo. Ending logistics about cleaning up and timeline are addressed. Thank yous said. Addresses exchanged.

But the real tension of the day has to be the teachers. Can she pull it all together and give the students an opportunity for a masterpiece?

Knowing that we had created a large pile of starts the day before, Linda led us through an exercise on simplifying the landscape. Using tracing paper, we were to trace our reference photo using big lines. Then we were to repeat that using only 1) curves, 2) triangles (angles), and 3) squares/rectangles.

 

Then, using this exercise, Linda demonstrated “catching an edge.” The idea is to take the highly suggestive backgrounds created by pushing paint and develop them into an actual painting with the judicious use of the same color and a few negative shapes to complete the suggestion.

As with many things about this workshop, I understand the concept, but my execution is shaky.

To conclude, Linda asked us to do some free painting. I worked small and concentrated on developing the idea of layers and negative painting with animals.

At some point Linda came over and we talked about “Yellowstone Dancers” and working more in that series, but maybe like this. I asked some questions about where she would use symbols, and she encouraged using them “negatively” instead of putting them on the animal. In Pronghorn Antelope 2 you can just see where we talked about horizon lines and symbols.

Finally, on a note of real excitement, I finally got a “label” (see previous posts about my longing for this). “You’re a good shape maker,” Linda told me.

Conclusion

I would wholeheartedly recommend Linda Kemp’s workshop to another painter. It was well worth it. I learned a lot and have things to take home and explore. Linda herself was warm, competent, and organized. She walked the line between allowing each painter to do what appealed to them and having the entire class following an exercise. Additionally, WSO and the volunteers did a great job with all the logistics, and the facility was very comfortable.

The one disappointment, for me, is I didn’t really get a chance to have the kind of conversation I wanted to have about painting animals. It’s not a completely feasible desire. In a four-day class, with six hours of scheduled learn time, and twenty-five students, Linda could provide one hour to each student and do nothing else; or she can move the entire class along and have snatches of conversation. She made the right choice, but I’m still wishing for just a smidge more.

That smidge is going to have to come from me. I have oodles of ideas and techniques to explore, not just from this class, but from many others. With my volunteering off the plate, my move completed, and nothing really on the schedule until the spring, I’d like to take the winter to develop some ideas. I’m going to try to make 2023 workshop-less, but no promises. I need to get in touch with my own painting style.

Wound-i-er and wind-i-er

It’s been a busy week here at the Choate Den. Let’s do a recap and see if I can present a lesson. (Spoiler: I actually do!)

Strada September Challenge

As mentioned over the last few weeks, I participated in the Strada Challenge. And this year, I finished!

Coastal Plein Air

As I documented last week (okay, the second post last week) I have been working towards getting three of my paintings and two of Sandra Pearce‘s paintings down to Florence the Florence Regional Arts Alliance for their Coastal Plein Air Event. Friday, I took the day off to do just that, and ended up being very glad I did. The drive was lovely, but I was stunned to learn that I had won a prize for “Yaquina Rocks”! It’s called the Creativity Award and I think it might be a people’s choice award. Those are always fun because you feel like it’s your peers! Even more impressively, Sandra got FIRST PLACE for her painting of Yaquina Lighthouse. Way to go, Sandra!!!!

In case you were wondering, these are the three paintings that eventually had the combination of frame-ability (i.e. I had frames that fit them) and quality.

Word and Image

Saturday evening, I zoomed into the opening of the Hoffman Center for the Arts in Manzanita Word & Image opening. I was really impressed with the lovely, thought-provoking poetry and stunning artwork. I felt so honored to be a part of it!

I’ll purchase my copy of the book when I go down to view the show (unsure of the date on that.) In case you are interested, this is the link to purchase a book. Honestly, the poetry alone is worth it. The art is gorgeous. The typesetting and layout stunning.

Westminster Festival of Fine Art

I’ve said it before, and I’ll probably say it again. If it wasn’t for the last minute, nothing would get done. This next week I’ll be juggling my paperwork for pieces I’ll present to the Westminster Festival of Fine Art. I haven’t done this show before, and when I lived in Keizer, it seemed like a good idea. Now it feels a little more challenging. Here’s the event flyer in case you are interested in attending.

Watercolor Society of Oregon

And now my attention turns toward the Fall Convention of the Watercolor Society of Oregon. While I did not get into the exhibition, I still look forward to seeing the exhibit and all my friends. This year, I am trying my hand at teaching. I’m a breakout leader for a session called “Exploring Value Studies in Liquid Charcoal.” I’m more than a little nervous! While pre-reservations have passed, I happen to know a lot of the sessions this year have room for walk-ins. If you are an artist in any medium, consider attending. Show up at the Salem Convention Center between 8-9am and see what you can get into. Each breakout session is only $15!

With that, I will also report that yesterday was my last day as the webmaster for WSO. After eleven years, I’m handing it over to someone else. Specifically, a very competent individual named Dan who is currently amoung my favorite people in the world.

As I took a large hand in helping with this Fall Convention, by next Sunday I will be done volunteering with WSO. Not forever, but at least for a few years. I need a big break.

Wound-ier and Wind-i-er

Note: To properly understand this title, “wound” is not a cut or bruise. It’s in reference to yarn that has been wound into a ball. Similarly, “wind” isn’t the whooshing of air; it’s the action of winding a crank.

One of the things I wish I could change about myself, at least to some degree, is my type A tendencies when under stress. My obsessive tendencies came to a head on Tuesday evening when I went bonkers because I could not find mats and frames that fit the images I wished to take down to Florence. Specifically, I wanted to find a way to frame up “Between the Wind”.

But no matter where I looked, I could find a mat and frame that matched the piece. Everything was too small or too big. The result was me getting wind-i-er and wound-i-er to the point that I wasn’t able to do much more than nap that evening. Wednesday was not good as a result. I ended up crying at work and frankly I’m not too excited about the repercussions next week. Sigh.

A trip to Goodwill did not offer up any alternatives, so I ended up taking a different painting. As it turns out, I ended up taking Yaquina Rocks. Ironic? Oh, yeah.

When Sandra texted me yesterday to report the prize situation, she said she thought the other painting she had delivered was stronger. Clearly, neither of us is any judge of our own work!

The lesson of this little story should be something along the lines of “it’ll be okay” or “everything works out.” I’ll try to remember that… but I need to go stress out about the Westminster paperwork.

What I meant to write

Art shows always seem to come at the same time. Feast or famine. It would be great to have one a month, but it’s more likely you’ll have five in one month and nothing for the next six. Right now, I’m entering the feast stage of the cycle.

Over the next few weeks, I have a variety of art-related opportunities. As usual, I’ve waited until the last minute to finalize things.

Chronologically, one deadline passed yesterday. I delivered my painting “No Dumping” to the Hoffman Center for the Arts in Manzanita as part of their Word & Image show. Saturday is the opening, and I’d love to go up again for the real thing, but I’m not sure time will allow.

The next deadline is Friday, when I will deliver three of my paintings and two of Sandra Pearce‘s paintings to the Florence Regional Arts Alliance for their Coastal Plein Air Event. (Note: Dropping off three of my paintings is not confirmed. More about that later.) I’ll turn around and collect the paintings on Sunday, so between going 2 hours south Friday, 2 hours north Saturday, and then 2 hours south again Sunday, that weekend is shot.

A mere five days later is the Watercolor Society of Oregon convention. I’ll be teaching on Saturday (a first for me) and I need to get my presentation to 100% (it’s about 85% now). Three days of playing with friends, then I bounce into a four-day workshop with Linda Kemp.

During this workshop period, I also have to drop off paintings to the Westminster Festival of Fine Art. They’d like to have people volunteer at the show, but I’m not sure I’ll have the stamina!

Finally, my painting “Transitions” will be exhibited in the American Academy of Equine Art Juried Exhibition in Aitken, South Carolina. Other than arranging shipping, I won’t have to do much for that one, though I’m constantly tempted to just hop over for the opening.

And then… nothing. For quite a while.

More Trouble Together

With all of the above going on, brush buddy Sandra Pearce and I had made plans for her to come down to the beach house last weekend and paint up a storm. I had done a few paintings the weekend before, when the painting window first opened, but I hoped to do some more work while we painted together. Sandra arrived Friday morning and we hit Yaquina Head.

Four studies at Yaquina

We went out to dinner at the new Pelican Brewery at Siletz (a little pricey, but food was good (other than desserts, which were weird)) then headed home to watch episodes of Landscape Painter of the Year.

The next morning, we got up early and hit Sally’s Bend-LNG before moving on to the South Jetty at Newport, then Brian Booth State Park (otherwise known as Ona Beach.)

Over the course of the weekend, Sandra managed to put together two lovely paintings, which are matted and framed and waiting for transport. Me? Well… I spread a lot of paint, that’s for sure. The problem, though, is one of location. The rules of this plein air event are that all painting must be done on sight with only “minor” changes being allowed back in the studio. That’s really hard. I need time to tiptoe up to the finish. The following are paintings done and “finished” at the site, with the black and white version being the same painting in black and white to get an idea of value.

Painting 1 – Yaquina Bay

Not bad. I think there needs to be a little dark connecting the pelicans and the dock.

Painting 2 – Oysterville Marsh

Unfortunately, the mosquitoes were VICIOUS here and I ended up painting this mostly in the car! Unsure if value pattern balanced.

Painting 3 – Four Studies at Yaquina

There are things I really like about these studies, but they were never intended to be submitted.

Painting 4 – Yaquina Rocks

This one is an “almost”. I think the land needs to be pushed back to create a better focal point.

Painting 5 – Yaquina Waves

Again, there are some areas I really like in this painting. But i think the foreground is too dark. Or bright. Or something….

Painting 6 – Sunning Harbor Seal

Fun, but not submittable.

Painting 7 – Ona Sentries

Sandra really liked this one. I’m not sure a value study is… enough.

Painting 8 – Stump Abundance

I think there are some good passages in this, but it needs an overhaul to be effective. The front left pushed back, the foggy rocks defined, the trees grounded, etc.

Painting 9 – Ona Memories

I must be honest. This was painted at Ona Beach while looking at areas that weren’t necessarily adjacent to each other. Artistic license, right? I feel the floodplain doesn’t read correctly and the foreground bushes need more authority.

Painting 10 – Between the Wind (Brian Booth Trees)

I like this, but I see some areas I need to add paint and I’d like to make a couple areas just a smidge darker.

Conclusion – Tell me what you think!

So, keeping in mind the rules, which of these would be your choice to frame and send down to the show?

Right now, I’m leaning toward Sandra’s choice (Ona Sentries), Between the Wind, and Yaquina Rocks. Tell me what you think!